Posted in Editorials

Men & Women are Equally to Blame

From the beginning of mankind, men and women have been in an unwavering war of nonsensical arguments. They’ve found themselves a never ending cycle of raging tempers, and constant insecurities. While we tend to blame one another for our mishaps and pin the fight on one thing he or she said or did, we really need to recognize the truth.

It is the joint effort of a couple, to over time, ruin a relationship and diminish anything that once resembled love. Men and women are equally to blame for the miserable outcomes that follow any argument or quarrel.

Men Don’t Show Enough Affection; Women Want Too Much
Sometimes a woman thinks, “Since we got married, he never comes near me unless we’re having sex. Is something wrong with me? Isn’t he happy to see me?” Dr. Tracy Cabot, a love and relationship columnist and author of Letting Go, and How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You, put it well as she said, “Women want to be loved for their souls, their intelligence, and their personalities, sense of humor, depth and ability to please you. They need reassurance that sex isn’t the only reason you want them.”

Wanting your significant other to display the physical act of loving and caring is a perfectly normal craving for every woman, and men need to fulfill it, not ignore it. Women want to know they are safe and secure in their man’s arms. Now, some men were raised in a family that affection wasn’t a word uttered, furthermore the foundation of their upbringing, so it may be hard to overcome that void. Not all men are the soft, sensitive, mushy type women want all the time. Men need to be men.

Women don’t always realize that men cannot change overnight, nor can they do exactly what a woman expects them to do all the time. Women wanting too much can cause a man to back away and stop giving anything at all. Sometimes women should just be happy with what they do have, and stop complaining about what they don’t have.

Bringing Up Fights from the Past
Women and men have a tendency to bring up old fights from the past. Why combat with immaturity. What happened in the past should stay in the past. Bringing up old arguments never solves anything, but makes the situation worse than it should be and opens a fresh can of worms that could have been left unopened.

It’s a bit irrational when women begin ranting about the girl she swears she spotted him with about 3 years ago. Of course he answers with, “I thought we already talked about this. You know she was my co-worker and we were on our way back from a business meeting. You know nothing happened.” Although the woman clearly remembers that nothing happened, she still decides to press it, “Well, I don’t really know that, maybe you lied, or maybe you left out the important parts.” Men are now losing their tempers and dip into their bag of old memories. “And you think its okay to come home whatever time you want? Don’t think I forgot about that 3am sneaking in.” That was about 4 years ago, and now the woman is getting offensive about her “one” night out with her friends.  

Hence, the fight get’s worse and inevitably ends with both parties getting no sex that night. Not only does it cause tempers to rise, but it can also leave unhealed wounds and hurt feelings that can sometimes be irreparable.

Men are not mind readers, but women shouldn’t always have to guide them
Valentines Day has arrived and your significant other did not plan a thing, not even a movie or dinner. You assume he knows you’ve been dying to go see the new Broadway musical, so you think he would have gotten tickets; considering you’ve been mentioning it everyday for the past 6 months.  When you ask him he wonders how he should have known that and why you just didn’t tell him that. He would have gotten the tickets if you said you wanted them. Needless to say, Valentines Day is nothing more than anger day now.

You’re already in your pajamas, popcorn popped, and movie in, ready to cuddle with your man and watch a movie. He comes into the room, seeing all this, and still decides to ask, “Me and the boys are thinking about going to the bar. Is that okay?” A woman’s response- “Do whatever you want. If you really want to, then go.” So, he takes that as an okay and flies off the couch and in the car. Of course you’re angry and now he’s wondering why.

A woman’s infamous line is, “You should have known what I wanted. Why do I have to spell it out for you?” Men are not mind readers, and maybe he really didn’t know. Women, if the answer if no then say no, not “Well, do what you want.” If you want something in particular during those special holidays, then why not just tell your husband or boyfriend. Be upfront, and if he messes it up, at least it’s not your fault.

But, sometimes I think men really should know by now. The old “how was I supposed to know that,” excuse is getting pretty worn out. Men and women have been dating for centuries and men should e able to recognize some signs by now. If a woman has been dropping hints for weeks about something she really wants, men need to listen and adhere. If a woman answers, “Do what you want,” men need to know that really translates to “hell no.”  But, sometimes men really don’t know and women need to guide them. Men and women should work together once in a while. Life might not be so complicated.

Men and Women are equally to Blame
Are we seeing a pattern yet? Both men and women are equally wrong in all their fights and need to recognize their individual faults. I cannot safely say that I believe a woman is always right, although that saying has been coined. Let’s say, “A man and woman is always wrong.”

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Author:

I am an independent filmmaker and producer and freelance writer. I received my Bachelors degree in Journalism from Hofstra University, a Masters degree in Communications and Film Productions from the New York Institute of Technology and I am a former graduate of the New York Film Academy in New York City. I have experience as on-air TV reporter for NYIT’s LI News Tonight News Station. and have written opt editorials on various topics for Caribbean newspapers and magazines. I've also worked in the radio industry as a producer, board engineer, and newscaster at WRHU Hofstra University, 1240AM WGBB, and 930AM WPAT. I am currently the Vice President of Friends of New York’s West Indian Community, a non-profit organization aiming to uplift the Indo-Caribbean Community and work at St. Mary's Healthcare System for Children as the Manager of Marketing and Communications.

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